Grandmother Bee and the language of BENEFITESE.

Beatrice Hardgrove is 72 years old. Her ten year old grandson Cody called her on last night and asked her for her e-mail address. At the hospital he took the first pictures of his new baby sister Brooklyn and wanted to send them to his Grammy B. To this point in her life Beatrice has had no desire or interest of any kind to own a computer. That very day she pulls her Gold 1998 Buick Park Avenue into the CompUSA parking lot. With nervous feelers out, she slowly enters the electro super-center. A young lady named Emily makes eye contact with her. She informs the young lady of her grandson's pictures and of her need to have e-mail. (She's not even sure what e-mail is, but somehow she is supposed to be able to retrieve pictures with the device.) Emily takes Beatrice by the hand and heads over to the computer service counter. She introduces the mature lady to the chief computer nerd behind the counter and begins to speak the right language, BENEFITESE. Emily says, "Beatrice needs a computer for one main purpose, to receive e-mail from her family members. Would it be possible for you to take one of our laptop computers and strip all programs off that she will not need? (Benefit) In fact, take everything off except for a word processor, an e-mail program like Outlook Express and internet browser. (Benefit) Leave only these three icons on the desk top." "No problem", he replies. "We can use the Compaq Presario f560. It's only $549.00 with a $50.00 mail in re-bate. We also have the Canon PIXMA Photo Printer for $49.99. (Benefit) I will personally get the computer simplified and install the Canon printer driver. If you choose to buy the printer, it will work immediately when you connect it to the computer (Benefit)." Beatrice was very excited! She pretty much understood what they were talking about (Benefit) and asked what else she needed to get e-mail. "Your laptop computer will have a wireless card in it. We will be happy to come out to your house and help you get high speed internet started and install a wireless router in order for you to download your grandson's pictures from any room in your house (Benefit). Our service call to your house will be $150.00 and the wireless router is only $59.00." Beatrice smiled and signed up for everything right then and there.

Granny Bee and a language called FEATURESE.

Beatrice Hardgrove is 72 years old. Her ten year old grandson Cody called her on last night and asked her for her e-mail address. At the hospital he took the first pictures of his new baby sister Brooklyn and wanted to send them to his Grammy B. To this point in her life Beatrice has had no desire or interest of any kind to own a computer. That very day she pulls her Gold 1998 Buick Park Avenue into the CompUSA parking lot. With nervous feelers out, she slowly enters the electro super-center. A well meaning, yet over-sober sales associate named Mike asks her if she needs some assistance. She informs the young man of her grandson's pictures and of her need to have e-mail. (She's not even sure what e-mail is, but somehow she is supposed to be able to retrieve pictures with the device.) Beatrice looks well-to-do and that makes the salesboy happy. He begins speaking his native language (featurese) "The Dell PrecisionTM 690 workstation offers outstanding performance (Feature), incredible graphics (Feature) and very large memory up to 64GB (Feature). The 690 also offers up to two 64-bit Dual or Quad-Core Intel® Xeon® 5100 and 5300 series processors (Feature) and a wide range of high-performance OpenGL® graphics cards (Feature). This will be helpful in viewing your grandson's pictures. The great news for you is that it is on sale for $1399.99. We have a very nice color printer/fax/scanner on sale as well. Dear sweet Beatrice comes to a quick realization she is not qualified to purchase a computer, she glazes over and walks away. Mike the salesboy assumes she wasn't really serious about the purchase.